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Since around the beginning of this year, one question has literally been bugging me for months. Like I try my best to come up with an answer and none of them work, so I'm just going to straight up ask it and maybe someone can answer it here from out of no where. How the fuck is softcore porn still around? Like we live in the age of the internet, wi-fi, 4G and whatever other bullshit. Every fetishistic need can be found and jerked off to (or jill off I guess if you're a lady). Want terrifying porn involving cartoon ponies? Boom, done. Smurfs? Yup. Older women lifting heavy objects? Sure, I guess. But softcore porn is so specific and so unnecessary that it boggles the mind. Alright, let's start from how this began to bug me.
Earlier this year we got the movie package with all the other channels and such. It was awesome, minus the fact that I already have a giant backlog of shows and movies I got to finish as is, but none the less awesome. Anyways, I came home late and was curious to see what movies were on just for the sake of watching something, while eating and noticed the usual suspects of Starz and Showtime had movies that had titles like Lifeguard something something or Cheerleader whatever, all very smutty titles is what I mean to say. So I thought to myself "it's 2013, no way in the age of the internet these are real." But low and behold I pressed OKAY on the remote to them and I got straight up terrible acting that did not lead to a woman performing fellatio on camera to a man's wing dang doodle, but instead more awful acting and then tits that lead to more awful acting except while naked and with no man turtle hiding in a woman's turtle cave or whatever! I Am horrible with metaphors right now and can't sleep so bare with me. Also while typing that, I just learned fellatio has two L's. Neato!
To put this in perspective, shows advertised on goddamn billboards like Spartacus or Game of Thrones show more then any of these shows. Hell, I've seen that goddamn robot from Prometheus and X-Men: Origins' dick. HIS DICK! And it was very much an "Oh my" moment, but that's an awkward story that may come into question my sexual orientation for another day (as it stands I'm straight, at least I'm damn sure...). Anyways something like that, that's advertised to parents and children gets away with more and is on a time that majority of people are awake. So why or where does softcore porn come in?* If I wanted to see something with good acting, story, nudity and a budget beyond the words "I Know a guy down the street..." then there are plenty of shows in this day and age. If I want to skip the middle man and watch pure on hardcore whooping, then there are plenty of choices. Hell, if I wanted it with story and hardcore whooping, there's alot of that too. So where the hell does softcore porn exist in this realm? Is it for parents to ease their kids into porn or something? I Just don't get it. Plus if you were to say there's fetishists out there who enjoy porn, but hate the penetration and want more acting then I call bullshit because it sounds more niche then any other niche porn market. I Base this on goddamn nothing, but it sounds about right! So why? Why do you exist softcore porn? You confuse me and make me tile my head to the side like a dog seeing two people having sex. I Know it's something familiar, but it looks wrong.
*Yes, I laughed at that. I'm super mature.
Earlier this year we got the movie package with all the other channels and such. It was awesome, minus the fact that I already have a giant backlog of shows and movies I got to finish as is, but none the less awesome. Anyways, I came home late and was curious to see what movies were on just for the sake of watching something, while eating and noticed the usual suspects of Starz and Showtime had movies that had titles like Lifeguard something something or Cheerleader whatever, all very smutty titles is what I mean to say. So I thought to myself "it's 2013, no way in the age of the internet these are real." But low and behold I pressed OKAY on the remote to them and I got straight up terrible acting that did not lead to a woman performing fellatio on camera to a man's wing dang doodle, but instead more awful acting and then tits that lead to more awful acting except while naked and with no man turtle hiding in a woman's turtle cave or whatever! I Am horrible with metaphors right now and can't sleep so bare with me. Also while typing that, I just learned fellatio has two L's. Neato!
To put this in perspective, shows advertised on goddamn billboards like Spartacus or Game of Thrones show more then any of these shows. Hell, I've seen that goddamn robot from Prometheus and X-Men: Origins' dick. HIS DICK! And it was very much an "Oh my" moment, but that's an awkward story that may come into question my sexual orientation for another day (as it stands I'm straight, at least I'm damn sure...). Anyways something like that, that's advertised to parents and children gets away with more and is on a time that majority of people are awake. So why or where does softcore porn come in?* If I wanted to see something with good acting, story, nudity and a budget beyond the words "I Know a guy down the street..." then there are plenty of shows in this day and age. If I want to skip the middle man and watch pure on hardcore whooping, then there are plenty of choices. Hell, if I wanted it with story and hardcore whooping, there's alot of that too. So where the hell does softcore porn exist in this realm? Is it for parents to ease their kids into porn or something? I Just don't get it. Plus if you were to say there's fetishists out there who enjoy porn, but hate the penetration and want more acting then I call bullshit because it sounds more niche then any other niche porn market. I Base this on goddamn nothing, but it sounds about right! So why? Why do you exist softcore porn? You confuse me and make me tile my head to the side like a dog seeing two people having sex. I Know it's something familiar, but it looks wrong.
*Yes, I laughed at that. I'm super mature.
You win this round, Lemongrab...
I Don't fucking get Lemongrab. There I said it. I Also made the damn costume and I wore it and I don't get it. Dragon Con made me come to this conclusion when I saw all the reactions it got and it confuses me. To give it a bit more context I wore Lemongrab last year at DC13 and got a good reaction (my BMo Noire got alot more love), but I wore it this year and holy shit. The screams of both myself and the people still echo in my head. Granted I did make a new head and made my friend wear the old head to be Lemonwhite, but in no ways did I anticipate people approaching me and saying it's the best thing they seen all weekend (really?) or their f
Trying to get free shit through dumb means
Right now I'm working on my Duncan the donut cop cosplay from Wreck it Ralph and if my half assed scheduling and planning is any indication, I should probably get it finished by end of this month (with a month to spare before Dragon Con!). Now this leaves me time, which leaves me antsy, which leads to either the best ideas or the worst ideas, I can't tell. What are these ideas? Well, donuts are universally awesome. Even take away the frosting, you got bagels, which are still awesome. So with the costume being a giant donut, the only logical thing to do is go to donut shop and get free donuts.
How does that work? I Don't know! People like gia
Live, get in a box, die, repeat
Denver Comic Con is over! Yay! Boo! I Don't know! I Have mixed emotions! Friday I was excited and giddy, but once Saturday hit I was tired and beaten. I'm debating if this was due in part to on Saturday dressing up as a Washer and putting all my leg muscles to the literal test. It was exhausting. Like there's a feeling there is an obvious easier way to dress up as a washer and being to scale, but the thing is though my friend is stupid and in turn WE'RE all stupid because we can't think of another way either. So instead stuck in this contraption that if it hits a crack or ditch it becomes a trap and almost feels like it's one step away from s
Further down the downward spiral
Remember that episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force in I think...the second season(?), where the Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future shows up to remind Carl of his Christmas he had as a child when he had to eat carpet and work in the mines? You don't? Well luckily they have it on youtube!
Anyways, what's that clip got to do with anything? Vaguely much in terms of what's on my mind. Past few days I've been on the verge of a weird mental breakdown.
You see, I've been watching ALOT of The Wire. An HBO show that's really just like Game of Thrones; it's an hour long, alot of slang and dialogue that takes repeat viewing's to understand what they'
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