Since around the beginning of this year, one question has literally been bugging me for months. Like I try my best to come up with an answer and none of them work, so I'm just going to straight up ask it and maybe someone can answer it here from out of no where. How the fuck is softcore porn still around? Like we live in the age of the internet, wi-fi, 4G and whatever other bullshit. Every fetishistic need can be found and jerked off to (or jill off I guess if you're a lady). Want terrifying porn involving cartoon ponies? Boom, done. Smurfs? Yup. Older women lifting heavy objects? Sure, I guess. But softcore porn is so specific and so unnecessary that it boggles the mind. Alright, let's start from how this began to bug me.
Earlier this year we got the movie package with all the other channels and such. It was awesome, minus the fact that I already have a giant backlog of shows and movies I got to finish as is, but none the less awesome. Anyways, I came home late and was curious to see what movies were on just for the sake of watching something, while eating and noticed the usual suspects of Starz and Showtime had movies that had titles like Lifeguard something something or Cheerleader whatever, all very smutty titles is what I mean to say. So I thought to myself "it's 2013, no way in the age of the internet these are real." But low and behold I pressed OKAY on the remote to them and I got straight up terrible acting that did not lead to a woman performing fellatio on camera to a man's wing dang doodle, but instead more awful acting and then tits that lead to more awful acting except while naked and with no man turtle hiding in a woman's turtle cave or whatever! I Am horrible with metaphors right now and can't sleep so bare with me. Also while typing that, I just learned fellatio has two L's. Neato!
To put this in perspective, shows advertised on goddamn billboards like Spartacus or Game of Thrones show more then any of these shows. Hell, I've seen that goddamn robot from Prometheus and X-Men: Origins' dick. HIS DICK! And it was very much an "Oh my" moment, but that's an awkward story that may come into question my sexual orientation for another day (as it stands I'm straight, at least I'm damn sure...). Anyways something like that, that's advertised to parents and children gets away with more and is on a time that majority of people are awake. So why or where does softcore porn come in?* If I wanted to see something with good acting, story, nudity and a budget beyond the words "I Know a guy down the street..." then there are plenty of shows in this day and age. If I want to skip the middle man and watch pure on hardcore whooping, then there are plenty of choices. Hell, if I wanted it with story and hardcore whooping, there's alot of that too. So where the hell does softcore porn exist in this realm? Is it for parents to ease their kids into porn or something? I Just don't get it. Plus if you were to say there's fetishists out there who enjoy porn, but hate the penetration and want more acting then I call bullshit because it sounds more niche then any other niche porn market. I Base this on goddamn nothing, but it sounds about right! So why? Why do you exist softcore porn? You confuse me and make me tile my head to the side like a dog seeing two people having sex. I Know it's something familiar, but it looks wrong.
*Yes, I laughed at that. I'm super mature.
Listening to: A.F.I. - Burials
Reading: Manhattan Project
Watching: The Wire
Playing: Dance Central 3